When to quit a relationship.

The stay or go checklist for men

If you’ve landed here, you’re probably stuck in one of the most stressful places a man can be: relationship limbo.

You’re not sure if you should keep trying or cut your losses—and to be honest, you’ve probably been thinking about it way longer than you’d like to admit.

Here’s the thing: being stuck in indecision is exhausting. It’s not just annoying; it’s biologically stressful.

Your brain doesn’t like uncertainty—at all. When you’re stuck in a “should I stay or go?” loop, your amygdala (your brain’s personal alarm system) starts firing off stress signals like a popcorn machine on overdrive.

You might notice anxiety, insomnia, trouble focusing, or feeling totally checked out. That’s not you being weak. That’s just how our brains work.

As Dr. Alexandra Solomon, clinical psychologist and host of the Reimagining Love podcast, puts it:

“When you’re caught between staying and leaving, it’s not just your relationship that’s in limbo—it’s your nervous system.”

I’ve worked with hundreds of men in exactly this position, and what I’ve learned is this: most guys aren’t scared of the decision. They’re scared of getting it wrong.

And hey, fair enough—studies show over 40% of men who leave long-term relationships later regret it. Not necessarily because they should’ve stayed, but because they didn’t make the decision from a clear, grounded place. They left while stuck in a fog of guilt, fear, or burnout.

So let’s help you get to clarity with this checklist.

This checklist isn’t about pushing you to leave or stay—it’s about giving you a brutally honest, neuroscience-savvy way to figure out what’s really going on.

So you can move forward with confidence, whichever direction you choose.

Knowing when to quit a relationship with the “Stay or Go?” relationship checklist for men.

Each section below is a set of questions followed by some context from my coaching practice and neuroscience principles. Get a cup of coffee, sit somewhere quiet, and be honest with yourself.

1. Knowing when to quit based on how do you feel about yourself in this relationship?

• Do you feel respected and genuinely valued?
• Do you feel like you’re constantly walking on eggshells?
• Are you more self-confident or more self-critical since getting together?

Why this matters:

In a healthy relationship, your nervous system gets to relax. You feel grounded, seen, and steady. In a tough one, your inner critic goes into overdrive.

I’ve worked with men who started questioning their judgment, their masculinity, and even their sanity because they were in relationships where nothing they did was good enough.

Here’s the neuroscience bit: When you’re chronically stressed or invalidated, your brain literally rewires to expect criticism and threat. Not exactly the foundation for intimacy, right?

So ask yourself: Is this relationship helping you feel more like you—or less?

2.Do you and your partner know how to do conflict… well?

• Can you both argue without losing emotional control?
• Can you raise an issue without it turning into a full-blown battle or shutdown?
• After a fight, do you repair—or just pretend nothing happened?

Why this matters:

Conflict isn’t the problem. Avoiding it, escalating it, or leaving it unresolved—that’s the problem. When couples don’t have tools to navigate disagreements, their nervous systems stay in a state of high alert. Over time, you associate your partner with stress instead of safety.

In sessions, I often hear things like, “It’s not even the argument, it’s how long it takes to recover.” That emotional hangover? That’s your nervous system saying, “This doesn’t feel safe.”

If repair is rare or only one-sided, you’re likely in emotional quicksand.

3. Are you still attracted to your partner—emotionally, mentally, physically?

• Do you still admire them, respect them, want them?
• Is the attraction based on connection—or fear of being alone?
• Do you feel free to be yourself around them?

Why this matters:

Attraction isn’t just about looks—it’s about emotional energy. If you no longer feel connected, inspired, or even curious about them, something’s shifted.

Now, this isn’t about chasing constant passion (welcome to real life), but I’ve seen guys stay in relationships where the only thing holding them there was the fear of being single. But here’s the thing: fear is a terrible matchmaker.

The nervous system is wired for authentic connection, and it can spot fake closeness from a mile away. If your system feels numb or checked out, it’s not a good sign.

4. Are you actually compatible on the big stuff?

• Do you want the same kind of life (kids, marriage, priorities)?
• Do your values align, or are you constantly negotiating the basics?
• Can you grow individually without your growth threatening the relationship?

Why this matters:

You can have crazy chemistry and still be deeply incompatible. I’ve coached men who adored their partner but found themselves trapped in constant compromises—around money, parenting, values, or freedom.

Here’s what neuroscience tells us: When your core values clash, your brain sees your partner as a source of threat instead of support. That means more tension, more arguments, and a whole lot less intimacy.

Alignment doesn’t mean you’re the same. It means you’re heading in the same direction—on purpose.

5.Are you choosing them from a place of freedom—or staying out of fear?

• Are you afraid of hurting them, being alone, or starting over?
• Do you feel obligated, stuck, or guilty more than loving?
• If you were free to choose them again today—would you?

Why this matters:

One of the most courageous things a man can do is ask: Am I staying because I want to—or because I’m afraid of what happens if I leave?

In coaching, I see this all the time: good guys staying in stuck relationships because they don’t want to be “the bad guy.” But let’s be honest about the costs that are associated with that. They tend not to be sustainable in the long run.

Fear-based decisions shrink you. Love-based decisions expand you. I know it’s not always comfortable and that’s why if you relate to this, you’ve been finding it so hard.

Final Reflection

Take a breath. Look back over your answers—not to judge yourself, but to notice patterns.

If your answers are full of mutual respect, connection, emotional safety, and real compatibility—great. Maybe you’re just in a rough patch. But if your answers point to fear, resentment, emotional exhaustion, or misalignment—then the clarity you’re craving may already be there.

You don’t have to decide today. But you do owe it to yourself to stop living in the stress of indecision.

A Quick Word Before You Go

You’re not weak for wanting clarity.

You’re not broken for feeling confused.

You’re not selfish for wanting a relationship where you can actually exhale.

If you want to be free from the stress of your relationship dilemma then we should talk.

No need for therapy or endless coaching sessions. I combine psychology and neuroscience to help rewire your brain.   

 Get the relationship you want. Book your free call here.